Noisy head, blank page

If you read this blog on a regular basis, you may well have noticed a lack of….well…blog posts. All there’s been recently is a few book reviews and even those have been of a lower quality than I would normally publish.

The thing is, there’s so much going through my head that I want to write about, it’s hard to know where to start. During the day, I witness lots of things in the world of work that I could write about. Some I would be legally prohibited from writing about, due to confidentiality agreements. At other times I read, I talk to people and I think. Yet by the time I’ve done a full day at work (typically 08:30-19:30, minus lunch) my mind resembles the inside of a blender. There’s so much that’s gone in, but it’s all a bit of liquidised mess when I get home. If I have time to turn on the computer all I am greeted with is a blank screen.

Even if I have a key point to make, a good piece must begin somewhere. So I end up trying to reverse-engineer an introduction which either proves to be too contrived or else it naturally leads in a different direction to that in which I intend the argument to go. OK, maybe that means that my original idea is need of reworking, but then I’m left exploring new thoughts which takes some time and effort to condense into words. Time and effort that I generally don’t have at 11pm on a weekday evening.

Which leads me on to my other difficulty at the moment. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I get it sometimes, but amongst the worst is the summer. In the mornings, the early sun wakes me far earlier than I ought to be awake. Sleep is elusive, so when breakfast has been had and the bus journey to work completed, I arrive at work having had less rest than is ideal. The long day then wears me out. I begin to recharge in the evening after having dinner and so my energy levels pick up about 9pm, though my head is still buzzing from the day’s activity. It’s rather like a state of entropy: plenty of energy but no coherence.

Finally, there are two pieces that I’ve been hacking at for months now but can’t seem to get right. One is a piece trying to state clearly why I support same sex marriage and the other is on a liberal evangelical perspective on sola scriptura. Both, I think, need saying. Both have the potential to really piss people off, so I’m trying to be careful about what I say, but without being disingenuous. Those two pieces are being written like a statue. First I need to write a big block, saying as much as possible, but then I need to chip away the extraneous parts, leaving (hopefully) a fine sculpture. I don’t want to miss major things and I want to address most obvious objections. Others have written similar pieces, though few I wholly agree with. I could point to them, but then it’s no longer my voice. And it’s only once I’ve condensed my thoughts into words, found my voice and articulated them that I can truly say I know my own mind on these matters.

So that’s why there’s been little on the blog other than book reviews lately. Once those two chips are off my shoulder, work quietens down and my sleep patterns get back to normal, then I hope to resume some blogging.

Whether anyone will be reading then, I have no idea. But if it makes one person smile, think or realise that they’re not alone, then it’ll be worth it.

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One response to “Noisy head, blank page

  1. I have a story I’m hashing out right now that deals with homosexuality and the conservative Christian church. 🙂 It really is an issue that needs to be explored. I want to write it as graciously and truthfully as possible. Its encouraging to see somebody else tackling the same issues. I look forward to following your blog!